My initial reaction to Robin Williams death was – Why?
Of course, I’ll never know. Loneliness. Depression. Both. Who knows?
But, on twitter, there were millions of tweets about it. Facebook, lots of cute posters and sayings.
Two in particular caught my attention. One, on facebook had some graphic of people holding hands, with the encouraging words that “you are not alone”.
The other, on twitter, was someone saying “we must end the stigma of depression”.
What the fuck do either of those mean?
End the stigma? What the fuck, I say again. What an utterly meaningless and hollow thing to say. Who is this prick saying depression has a stigma around it.
As for the pithy little poster on facebook, sorry, you’re wrong. People are alone, all the time. In a crowd, at the dinner table, while having a conversation. So take your pithy fucking sentiment and get it off the internet. It is meaningless.
I once read that Brad Delp, the former singer for the band Boston, committed suicide. His only written thought at the end – “I’m a lonely old soul.”
Its’ so puzzling to think about this because he was still performing, still being a musician – a job many people dream of having. Yet he was so lonely, he ended his life.
Robin Williams, incredibly successful, suicide at 63.
What void were they staring into that only they could see? That no amount of company, good wishes, money or work could resolve?
There is nothing so scary as to be in the midst of other people, be they family, friends, bar patrons, and not being able to see, hear, register anything they say or do because all there is in front of you is a giant void.
There is no escape. There is respite, brief and false usually, but the void yawns in front of you and there is no escape. You can’t turn back because time only runs one way.
Depression and loneliness. The ultimate end – suicide. Because when you see no hope, there is no other way. There is no solution.
And pithy fucking posters and colloquialisms are meaningless when you are staring at a void.